Choices

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

—1 Peter 5:7

The Bible gives us some guidance on making decisions, and God provides profound wisdom for making choices in our life. Remember the advice of scripture to rely on the guidance of God when facing big decisions. Proverbs 3:5-6 advises us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Likewise, Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

When I pray, I often ask God to guide me on the path that He has chosen for me. I think there are times when I should have listened to what God was trying to tell me, but I failed to do so, and it did not turn out well. Other times, I have felt a great certainty in my decisions, and I believe that God is pointing me in the right direction. I can only trust in God that he will not lead me astray and will help guide me in this life so that I may find my true purpose.

On Friday, I mentioned that I was taking a quick trip down and back from Boston. I did so because I had a job interview, but I wonder if this is the right job for me. While I would love to live in Boston, I am not sure I am ready to move. I have a job with responsibilities I really like doing. I have a doctor who, for the first time in my 45 years, I feel comfortable discussing anything with, and I like him. In fact, I don’t dread having to go see him. I trust him to do what is best for my health. Likewise, I have a neurologist who is working with me to provide the best treatment for my migraines. While I know I could find a migraine specialist in Boston, I feel like my doctor was like finding a golden needle in a haystack. I honestly wonder if I could find gold again.

I like my current job a lot, but there have been issues with who I work with and who I work for. Besides that, Vermont may be a very LGBTQ+-friendly state, but there aren’t a lot of gay men. It seems that lesbians and transgender individuals (and more trans women than trans men) are the majority, and for as LGBTQ+ friendly as Vermont is, there are still a lot of closeted gay men. It makes it difficult to find a long-term romantic partner. It’s hard to meet men here because there are so few.

The Friday interview was just the first interview in the process. I thought it went really well, but one never knows what the other candidates’ resumes look like. The director I talked to said she would finish the first round of interviews, and then she and her senior staff will look over the resumes together before deciding who to bring back for a second round of interviews. It’s still early in the process. I’m also not sure this really is the job for me, the job I’d want to move away from Vermont for. The pay is not as great as I’d live, but it is more than I am making now. However, Boston is more expensive than Vermont, and I’d need that extra salary. I’m just not sure it’s enough. It would be a step up in my career. I would be going from being a curator to being one of the museum’s directors. Plus, I’d be working at not only one of the most historic places in Boston but in the whole United States, and I’d be doing real historical work on the foundation of American democracy.

I’ve applied for other jobs in or near Boston, and this isn’t the first one that I had an interview for. That first interview was for a job that paid significantly more, and I do think I’d be able to live comfortably in Boston for that salary. However, I have not heard back from them since that first interview. So, while I know I am worrying about something that may not ever become a choice, I don’t want the choice to be given to me without having given it due consideration. Whatever I decide, I know I can trust in the Lord to point me in the right direction.