Yesterday was a rough day. I actually expect the same today—not for the same reasons (at least I hope not)—but because I have an event to attend that usually requires standing for long periods and sitting in those uncomfortable folding chairs. With my back, I can’t stand too long and I certainly can’t sit in the wrong kind of chair for very long either. The event is scheduled for three hours, though I suspect we’ll only be there an hour and a half or two. Still, even that feels daunting.
What made yesterday difficult was having to go down into the basement to pull some objects for this event. My boss and I have already discussed my difficulty with stairs, and I’d been told to ask a particular person for help. When I did, that person went to my supervisor to complain—and instead of backing me up, my supervisor somewhat chastised me for even asking. Thankfully, someone outside of my department offered to help, which made all the difference.
I think today will work out fine, but I know my back and leg will pay for it later. After standing longer than usual yesterday, I already paid the price last night with extra pain. Still, I’m holding onto hope that each day brings a little more strength, a little more resilience, and maybe—just maybe—a little less pain.
Joe
The Closet Professor 
August 21st, 2025 at 6:42 am
Today’s man is absolutely adorable. Thanks for adding him, Joe.
August 21st, 2025 at 6:48 am
I completely agree. I was having trouble finding a pic that matched this post, and if I was 25 years younger, at Harvard and having to work the event I have to today, this pic would fit, except I was never that cute. 😂
August 21st, 2025 at 6:58 am
As a young man I am sure you were very cute!!! You could be brave and show a pic here!!
August 21st, 2025 at 8:10 am
I’m just not that brave.
August 21st, 2025 at 9:51 am
The guy pictured is kinda cute!
Quite cute? Rather cute? Yes both of those. Kinda seemed more comfortable.
So sorry that your pain continues and the expected work tasks remain challenging at best.
I feel for you, the pain, the workplace environment, and wishing, hoping for the best possible outcome.
My cynical side is about shine bright! Don’t know if I’m a cynic because I could easily live as a hermit or if the hermit in me exists because I’m a cynic.
Farming/ranching may be asset rich but is frequently cash poor, so I’ve held many jobs to keep the cash flowing. Some short term, others I hoped to be long term few were but all were essential. Many I walked away from not because of the way I was treated (I can play the game, just hate workplace politics) I walked because of the way they treated others, other employees. Thankfully the real job these days roots back to a past life, mostly doing paper review assessing “what went wrong” and mostly remote with the team spread across parts of four states.
I’ve seen employers deliberately set up a specific employee to take a hit. Your boss recommending who to ask for help, that individual getting upset and complaining, strikes me as just such. Did she suspect how that individual would respond?
Just being my cynical self.
I’ve also seen a few times, unfortunately, when one returned from medical leave with “invisible” injuries (chronic pain jumps to mind) immediate bosses being subtly hostile, as you have experienced firsthand.
My observations have always been the hostility is just subtle enough, hidden from others just enough, that it’s he said-she said… the boss spinning it as the employee misinterpreting and having a “poor little me” attitude. Add complaints from other employees and ongoing decreased performance, legal or not, HR is handed a sweep the hostility issue under the rug opportunity by eliminating one of the players. I hate being so cynical.
Wish there was more that could be offered here beyond sympathy, understanding, and hope for improvement all the way around.
August 21st, 2025 at 6:37 pm
Everything about my disability has been medically documented. I really think my boss has a problem with working with men. It seems to always be a man’s fault. She doesn’t get enough respect from such and such man because she’s a woman, she’s been passed over for jobs by a man, and the list goes on. I have never shown her but the upmost respect and civility. I have worked with women like this before, it’s just a shame that she is this way. However, she needs to watch herself. The university has had too many lawsuits, and I think if the university has even a whiff of a sexual discrimination lawsuit, she won’t have a job. I have had 10 years of exemplary service, she has had one and made herself an enemy in numerous individual around campus for her “bull in a china shop” ways.
August 22nd, 2025 at 4:46 am
Joe, what your female boss clearly lacks is confidence and leadership qualities. And so she tries to denigrade the people below her. That she asked you to ask someone to help you shift a heavy item from storage and then when that someone complained she blamed you for asking is betraying her true colours. Someone not to be trusted.
That someone is also to be blamed for not wanting to help. Had he never heard of the Good Samaritan???
I still remember after a regimental dinner in Central London I was was walking to the bus stop for a bus to take me to Waterloo station. Suddenly a large black Daimler limo pulled up beside me. Inside was the guest of honour, a cavalry general. He asked where I was going and in no time we had reached Waterloo.
This successful grand man had no need to stop for an underling but he did because he felt a moral duty to help. That is what true leaders do.
A lady leader who understood loyaly and manners was Margaret Thatcher, and in turn she attracted some of the best brains in the country. It was said she could terrify her ministers if she felt they were out of step with her policies but she could also be kind and charming to her staff and to the many voters she met during her public appearances.
The French Foreign Minister once commented that Thatcher was the only minister in Europe with balls. Dead right too.
August 22nd, 2025 at 5:10 am
I completely agree that she lacks confidence. It has taken me years of experience to become confident in my own job, and even now, I continue to build that confidence. I often ask others for their opinions or assistance, because I believe being good at your job means always striving to improve. She, however, doesn’t seem to have the confidence or the experience needed for the position she holds. I feel the same is true of the other two women in my department. That’s not me being condescending—it’s simply an honest observation. Even my former boss was in over his head, but at least he had empathy and compassion, which my current coworkers lack.
I have always offered to help in any way I can, but never in a way that suggested, “I know more than you, and I can do it better.” While I may have more experience in many instances, I’ve never tried to present myself as superior. My intention has only ever been to genuinely help when I can. To me, true leadership requires empathy and compassion, and without emotional intelligence, someone is not suited to be a supervisor.
Being good at your job also means asking for help or advice when needed and recognizing your limitations. Every time I teach a class or plan a program, I reflect afterward and ask myself, “How could I have done this better?”
On a related note, there was a more complicated way for me to avoid using the stairs, but the heavier items were still a challenge. That route involved going through another department, so I spoke with them. Not only did they have no issue with me taking the longer route through their space, but they also offered to help me whenever I need it.
In my 30 years of working, I’ve only encountered four women who didn’t like me or enjoy working with me—and two of them are the colleagues I currently work with. Honestly, I think that says more about them than it does about me.
August 22nd, 2025 at 5:31 am
Joe, thanks for all that. I am afraid you are on a bit of a losing wicket with that woman. If you were a tough ambitious devil you’d be collecting hard evidence of her incompetence and be presenting it to the board of governors. I assume she has no security of tenure, unlike academics at Oxford. But that’s a one way ticket. It’s either you are her who gets the boot.
I personally have had no problems with women who have the skills and competence for the job. Some of the military senior officers can be tough as hell and good at their jobs. But even Thatcher got too big for her boots and was given the heave-ho by her party.
August 22nd, 2025 at 11:07 pm
I would gently remind the supervisor that their previous instruction was for you to ask for help, which is what you did. Perhaps reminding them of their own compassion might make things different next time. I’m grateful someone else was able to assist you. I know the trouble of limited back capabilities. Thinking of you and hoping the event went well. Your friend, Steve