Category Archives: Coming Out

The Importance of Individualism

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I have been reading up on summaries and analyses of Emerson’s “Self-Reliance.” I put off the reading and discussion of the essay until we return to school on Tuesday. I knew that if I started yesterday, I’d be interrupted for the holiday weekend, so I put it off. It also allowed me to study up on Emerson more. I’m trying to make it as interesting and thought provoking as I can so that we can have a good discussion, which means I need to make it as simple as possible for this particular group of students, who can be a bit lazy at times. Though you, my dear readers, may not be as enamored with Emerson and Transcendentalism as I am, I hope you will stick with reading this post as I get around to explaining why I think that a reading of Emerson today, of all days, is especially important.

As I was reading commentaries on Emerson, I came across the article “The Foul Reign of ‘Self-Reliance’,” in which Benjamin Anastas exposes what he considers to be the havoc wreaked by Ralph Waldo Emerson’s seminal essay on generations of Americans. Anastas asks us to consider: Did the great Ralph Waldo Emerson get it wrong? Have we? Have we turned self-reliance into self-centeredness? And while I tend to think he goes a bit overboard in laying virtually all American self-centeredness at Emerson’s feet, his ultimate point about his interpretation of self-reliance being an unassailable (and dangerous) moral and spiritual principle these days is one that is at least worth taking a closer look at. And we certainly wouldn’t advocate for a return to the dehumanizing, piety of the Puritanism to which Emerson was responding.

Early in the heart of the 19th Century, young America was in trouble. A brutal economic bust. Banks collapsing all over. Confidence was wavering. And here came the brilliant transcendentalist philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson, like a blazing star. Trust yourselves, he said. Look inside. Speak what you think in hard words. Above all, embrace self-reliance. And boy did that go deep. It’s American bedrock. Maybe too deep, which is what Anasta says in his article. It’s become self-centeredness. Polarizing rigidity. In an interview with Tom Ashbrook. Of NPR’s “On Point,” Anasta states that he wrote “The Foul Reign of ‘Self-Reliance’” in an Emersonian style of purposeful antagonism. I personally think that he was a bit too antagonistic, and that “Self-Reliance” spoke to him in a totally different way then it did to me.

Anastas read “Self-Reliance” and sees a call for each person to be concerned with their own self and not be concerned with others. At least, he claims this is how Americans interpreted it and has in turn become the American pursuit of self-interest and self-centeredness.

However, I believe that Emerson’s true point is not to advocate selfish people, but to advocate non-conformity. Emerson wanted people to rely on their inner self. That inner self which is guided by a rational God. No two people are identical. We were created that way on purpose. If all we do is follow others, then there is no free will. We simply conform to the pack mentality. Does this mean that we should be selfish? No it doesn’t. Emerson believes that our true inner voice is not selfish. If we rely on our inner moral code then we work for the betterment of all mankind.

If we were to blindly follow and conform, then no LGBT person would ever come out of the closet. Today is National Coming Out Day. It is a day for us to celebrate who we truly are. National Coming Out Day is observed annually to celebrate coming out and to raise awareness of the LGBT community and civil rights movement. The holiday is observed in a wide variety of ways: from rallies and parades to information tables in public spaces. Participants often wear pride symbols such as pink triangles and rainbow flags. Whereas, I may not go around telling people, especially those who have no need to know, that I am gay, I have become more comfortable in my own skin. If people want to assume I am gay or assume that I am straight, then that is their prerogative. However, the one major thing that Emerson has taught me is to be who I am. Being who we are has been a bit of a theme this week for this blog, and I thank Emerson for that reminder.


Wentworth Miller Comes Out

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Though rumors of him being gay were rampant when he was on Fox’s Prison Break, Wentworth Miller never responded to the rumors. Now, he has revealed that he’s gay in a letter to the Russia’s St. Petersburg International Film Festival declining their invitation to attend.

Wentworth’s letter, which is posted on GLAAD’s website, thanks festival organizers for an invitation but states that “as a gay man, I must decline. I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government.”

“Wentworth’s bold show of support sends a powerful message to LGBT Russians, who are facing extreme violence and persecution: you are not alone,” said a statement from GLAAD representative Wilson Cruz, who is also an actor (My So-Called Life).

Miller’s announcement comes amid international condemnation of tough laws targeting homosexuals that the Russian government has passed in recent months. The new laws include fines for individuals accused of spreading “propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations” to minors, and penalizes those who express pro-gay views online or in the news media. Gay pride rallies are banned as well, as is the adoption of Russian-born children by same-sex couples.

Here’s a bonus picture of this sexy man:

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Remembering Rock

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On July 25, 1985, HIV/AIDS was given a global spotlight when it was announced that screen icon Rock Hudson was suffering from the disease.
Looking gaunt and almost unrecognizable, rumors began to circulate about his health earlier in the summer when the actor had made a public appearance to promote a new cable series of his friend and former co-star Doris Day.
After collapsing in Paris in July 1985, he was diagnosed with AIDS and given treatment with the drug HPA-23, which at the time was unavailable in the United States. It was while he was in the hospital that it was announced to the public that Hudson had AIDS:

“According to publicist Yanou Collart, who acted as his spokeswoman in Paris, the decision was Hudson’s. ‘The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life was to walk into his room and read him the press release,’ says Collart. “I’ll never forget the look on his face. How can I explain it? Very few people knew he was gay. In his eyes was the realization that he was destroying his own image. After I read it, he said simply, ‘That’s it, it has to be done.’ “

Hudson passed away at the age of 59, on October 2, 1985, less than three months after the announcement, in his Beverly Hills home. In his last weeks he was visited by many famous friends such as Carol Burnett, Roddy McDowell and Elizabeth Taylor, who upon his death was reported as saying “Please God, he did not die in vain.”
Hudson’s AIDS diagnosis put the disease into the headlines and changed the way the public thought of AIDS patients, as well as gay stereotypes. Before his death he created the Rock Hudson AIDS Foundation, donating the $250,000 he received from an advance of a biography to the foundation.
Hudson’s death is also credited with jumpstarting Elizabeth Taylor’s fundraising crusade to fight AIDS and Chairman of California’s AIDS Advisory Board Committee Bruce Decker said upon Hudson’s death: “His illness and death have moved the fight against AIDS ahead more in three months than anything in the past three years.”
Tales of the City author Armistead Maupin was quoted as saying: “I’m sure Rock’s coming out will stand as a landmark in the gay community.”

Arin and Katie: A Cute Couple With a Bit of a Twist

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A pair of teenagers from Oklahoma might seem like your typical young couple, but their love story is unlike many others. The transgender couple actually transitioned together.
Just two years ago, Arin Andrews and Katie Hill hadn’t transitioned yet. The two had struggled with their identities throughout childhood; Hill had struggled with bullying. Then one day they met at a trans support group, after each had begun the transitioning process, and they fell in love. Today, Andrews, 17, and Hill, 19, are content.
“I hated my breasts, I always felt like they didn’t belong. Now I finally feel comfortable in my own body,” Andrews explained to British tabloid The Sun about surgically removing his breasts last month. “Now when I’m out in a public pool or lifting weights, no one raises an eyebrow. They just think I’m a guy. … I can wear a tank top, which I couldn’t before, and I can go swimming shirtless. I can just be a regular guy. And I’m so lucky to have my family and Katie to rely on.”

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“Being transgender myself, I understand Arin better than anybody else — how good he feels and how complete he feels,” Hill added, per The Sun.
The brunette teen from Bixby did not always feel so complete. In a segment for “Inside Edition” last year, she said that as a young child she was “[b]ullied and abused. Ridiculed. Ashamed and embarrassed.”
She was depressed for several years before she realized she was transgender, Tulsa World previously reported. Around her 15th birthday she told her mother and asked for help becoming Katie.
“Knowing what Katie went through for eight-plus years — there’s nothing worse than watching your child suffer,” Hill’s mom, Jazzlyn, told Tulsa World. “It’s still my baby — male or female, she’s still my child. And I don’t have to kneel at her grave.”
Andrews’ mom feels the same.
“Seeing Katie go through her surgery was helpful to Arin,” she said, according to British tabloid The Mirror. “It was being around it and seeing her getting to transform. And being a couple at the time was I think just the cherry on the cake. Every transgender person would love to have the transformation physically because it just completes them as a person.”

Colby Melvin on Coming Out and Politics

A few months ago, I posted about the model Colby Melvin.  If you don’t know who he is, then I think you should. Born in the deep South, Colby Melvin was brought up to be a gentleman, but his mother taught him early on that to make a difference in this world, you need to be a little bit “hell raiser” too! So, it isn’t surprising that Colby has quickly become one of the most public activists in the fight for marriage equality across the country. Colby holds fast to his core beliefs of sincerity, civility, honesty and kindness and has used them as the basis for his commitment to raise awareness for LGBT issues. Combining his passion for politics with his love of entertainment, Colby emerged as a top spokesmodel for Andrew Christian. Soon after, he began working with Full Frontal Freedom, a coalition of independent artists and media executives – using their talent and creativity to raise awareness and enhance civil discourse. It was his first video with Full Frontal Freedom, a parody of a popular One Direction hit, that garnered Colby national attention for his willingness to publicly fight for the causes he believes in. The “Disclosure” video became one of the most watched political videos of the 2012 campaign cycle and resulted in Colby receiving the Human Rights Award for Political Performing Arts from the Jim Owles Liberal Democratic Club in New York.

As outspoken as Colby has become about LGBT issues and the fight for marriage equality, his journey was not always easy. After graduating from Spring Hill College in Mobile, Alabama, Colby went to work in the oil and gas industry. The oil spill of 2010 found him in a major management position helping in the Gulf Coast recovery. It was during this time that Colby’s “secret” was discovered by a superior. After tolerating the corporate bullying, Colby made a decision – he would not hide who he was. Colby left his job, came out to family and friends and began working towards his dream of becoming a force in the LGBT community.

I am a great admirer of Colby, even more so after I saw this video about his experience coming out that was posted on the Underwear Expert blog on National Coming Out Day.  This is such a touching video, from the photos to the story Colby tells, that I had to share it with you guys.  I especially identified with is answer to the question, “Did you always know you were gay?”

Colby’s message is of acceptance and courage, friendship and trust; an important message indeed. And coming from a guy that’s come so far in so little time, it’s especially topical. Being gay behind closed doors is sometimes what we need, but being who we are and proud of it isn’t just about opening one door — it’s about opening door, after door, after door because when we are true to ourselves self, anything is possible.  While my job doesn’t allow me to come out and be as open as Colby, I admire him.  My coming out experiences were not like his, but it does show that there is hope for the LGBT community in the South.  There are accepting people in the South, and I have known many of them.  They are also generally the ones that I am out and proud to.
Colby is also actively political and it shows in many of the charities he is involved in, especially concerning gay marriage equality. He produced and starred in a music-video parody of One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful” earlier this summer. The video, released by Full Frontal Freedom, a campaign to increase political awareness of LGBT issues and promote LGBT equality, showcased rewritten lyrics urging Romney to release his tax returns. That video has received 3.4 million views, by the way. Melvin is to present the video later this month at the Jim Owles Liberal Democratic Club’s Pre-Election Reception in New York on Thursday, October 25, 2012.

A handful of models, including Andrew Christian faves Colby Melvin and Quinn Jaxon, have teamed up with Full Frontal Freedom, an “Independent pro-equality movement not affiliated with, endorsed by or sponsored by any state campaign.” The collaboration produced a winning political parody of One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful.” Starring a sexually mixed (half-straight, half-gay) and underwear clad cast of characters that includes Colby Melvin (who’s also the face and spokesmodel for the coalition), Quinn Jaxon, Brandon Brown, Jonathan Myers and David Brackett, the video asks Romney to show what’s down below:  

Colby Melvin told The Underwear Expert, “The whole purpose of Full Frontal Freedom is about using different forms of media and artists so we can promote political engagement and just get people to give a sh*t.” And how exactly do you do that? Get ultra viral underwear models to get involved. “We get tons and tons and tons of views on our pictures and videos, so many comments and likes,” Colby continued. “We can actually use that for good to get people involved in the issues.”


Exciting News: Jim Parsons Comes Out!

Jim Parsons in his dressing room. 

He stars in the play “Harvey,” which opens on June 14.

Sara Krulwich/The New York Times

You may or may not know this, but my current favorite show is The Big Bang Theory (see here, here, here, and here).  In addition, I love Jim Parsons, who plays Sheldon on the show.  So I was quite ecstatic when i read that Jim Parsons has revealed he is gay and in a committed relationship in a new interview.  I am even more in love with Parsons now then I was before.
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New York Times writer Patrick Healy confirms “The Big Bang Theory” star’s sexuality as part of a profile of the 39-year-old actor, who is currently starring on Broadway in a revival of “Harvey.” The revelation comes late in the article, when Healy describes Parsons’ role in the 2011 revival of Larry Kramer’s HIV/AIDS crisis drama, “The Normal Heart.”
Writes Healy: ‘”The Normal Heart” resonated with him on a few levels: Mr. Parsons is gay and in a 10-year relationship, and working with an ensemble again onstage was like nourishment, he said.”
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Parsons’ sexuality has been the source of media speculation for several years. Though the Times doesn’t identify Parsons’ partner, the actor thanked Todd Spiewak during a 2010 Emmy Award acceptance speech. He has shown up to awards shows and made public theater contributions together with Spiewak, reportedly an art director, on several previous occasions.
The National Enquirer also reported that Parsons and Spiewak were at one time engaged and planning a Massachusetts-based Christmas wedding, which has since allegedly been called off because Parsons doesn’t want children. None of this has ever been confirmed nor denied by Parsons’ representatives, who have continually declined to speak about their client’s sexuality, according to AfterElton.

I am very proud of Jim Parsons.  He’s such a great actor and deserves every Emmy that he receives.  Congratulations Jim, I love you man.  I wish you many, may years of continued success.


Huffington Post: A Letter to Any Teen Who’s Thinking About Suicide

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A Letter to Any Teen Who’s Thinking About Suicide
I want to give you a big hug and tell you that it gets better, because it actually does. Hang on. There are people you may not even know yet who are waiting for you with open arms, and they will love you unconditionally. Trust me.

A Letter to A Bully

I read this the other day, and really wanted to share it with you guys.  It broke my heart.  I think we have all had that feeling of hopelessness at some point, and thankfully we survived it, not all kids do. Kergan Edwards-Stout wrote this compelling letter, and I hope that you find it as interesting as I do.

Dear Dirk,*

The thought of you has filled me with hate almost every day since we first met — but for different reasons altogether than you might expect.

I still remember the terror I felt every time I approached the soccer field. It was in junior high, a difficult time for almost everyone, but especially for me.

You see, I’d always known I was gay. Even in kindergarten, just looking at Jeff Hayward’s smile would make me happy, and I knew intrinsically that it was all right to feel this way — to love other boys — as everything about it felt completely natural and unforced.

In junior high, however, I was placed on the same soccer team as you, and everything changed.

What I had seen as natural and good, you were suddenly calling abnormal and detestable. Every “faggot” you spit toward me hit directly between the eyes, and the whispers, taunts, and dirty looks you and Mike Baker sent my way continually unnerved me, affecting both my sense of self and my performance on the field. Because of you, questions about my masculinity hovered over me, and I would feel physically ill at the thought of another practice or game. I would choose different, roundabout paths to my classes, just to avoid where I knew you’d be.

In high school, while I went on to be active in theater and academics, you and Mike continued to rise socially, becoming the big men on campus that I’d longed to be. You were even voted onto the homecoming king’s court, and as you took to the field, flashing your charming smile, all I could see was the sneer on your lips when you turned and glanced my way.

But that isn’t why you fill me with hate.

Just prior to our senior year, during summer break, word came that you’d tried to commit suicide and were in a coma. No one knew what had happened, but you eventually returned to school our senior year. You were just as popular as you had been before, and perhaps even more so, now that you had this added air of intrigue about you. But despite your outright hatred of me, I still wondered about you and about what could have possibly led you to try to take your own life. You more than anyone seemed to have it all, and despite the way you continued to torment me, I felt a pang of pity for you.

The following summer, I got another call. You’d again tried to kill yourself, tying a noose from the garage rafters — only this time you succeeded. Your mother discovered you, hanging there, upon her return home.

How lonely you must have felt, Dirk, as you tied that rope. Could you really see no path forward? Was there no one you could have reached out to? Was there no friend, family member, priest, counselor — not one person you could’ve trusted with your pain?

Later, I heard that you’d left behind a note, writing that although you did not like girls, you did not want to like boys. And suddenly it became horribly clear to me. You and I were exactly alike. That anger and venom you directed at me, you were also directing at yourself.

How I wish, Dirk, that you’d allowed yourself to connect with me. I’m not saying that a friendship between us could have altered your path, but just knowing that we weren’t the only ones could’ve made our lives easier. For me, discovering that there were other gay people out there did help. I found a progressive bookstore, not too far from where we lived, and I’d covertly journey there as often as I could, just to lose myself in reading about a world that I knew I’d someday enter.

And even if a friendship between us wasn’t possible, given our differing social status, imagine how less torturous you could have made another’s life, simply by being kind.

While in school, my hatred was based solely upon how mean you were to me. Now my anger is reserved for the lack of value you placed upon yourself. Clearly, you didn’t think you were worth loving. Where did you get such a message? You were smart, personable, an exceptional athlete, and beyond handsome. Even with all the venom you sent my way, I still admired your more affirming qualities. Regardless, despite these many gifts, somewhere along the way, you were taught that instead of acting on your love of other men, you’d be better off dead.

I hate that you hurt so, Dirk, and hate just as much that you listened to those who filled your head with such thoughts.

I also hate that I was so absorbed in and blinded by my own situation that I couldn’t see your venom for what it really was. What if, one day, instead of running the other way when I saw you, I had instead offered you a smile?

Dirk, you might be surprised to know whom I ran into at our high school reunion: your old pal, Mike Baker. Imagine my shock, spotting him across the room, when we suddenly locked eyes. I immediately went to that same place of fear and panic, but that only lasted a moment, until I saw him break out into a big grin and make a beeline toward me.

I was shocked when he warmly clasped my hand in his, as if we were longtime friends. “I’ve been looking all over for you,” he said, intently. “I’ve really been wanting to say ‘hello.'” While he never brought up our shared past, it was clear to me that he was making amends.

Did you know, Dirk, that Mike’s younger brother has come out as gay? Would it surprise you to know that Mike is totally OK with it? If you had known back then that your best friend might have been accepting of you, could that have possibly altered your decision?

People loved you, Dirk — then and now.

I wish I could have held you, Dirk, comforted you, and told you that everything would be all right. Our individual uniquenesses are a gift, given by our maker, which we then get to share with the world. Your void is noticeable, even 20-odd years later.

You could’ve done so much, Dirk, if only you’d realized that each one of us is deserving of love and respect.

Wishing you peace,

Kergan

*Though innocence for all was lost some years ago, in respect of their families, all names have been changed.

This piece originally appeared on the Bilerico Project and KerganEdwards-Stout.com.


Gay Soldier Randy Phillips Tells Why He Came Out On YouTube

When Randy Phillips uploaded his first video to YouTube, he knew it would change his life forever—he just didn’t know if it would be for the better or for the worse.

For all of his adult life a secret was barreling down on the 21-year-old soldier that not even his military-provided bulletproof vest could protect him from. It was so detrimental that it could end his career and damage his relationships.

Phillips was gay. And the military had express rules against coming out.

But, the Alabama native decided that he needed to come out—and do it in a way “there would be no turning back,” said Phillips in a Skype interview. “It was the easiest way for me to do it.”

A self-described “big fan” of YouTube, Phillips created his AreYouSuprised channel last spring just before the military was repealing its strict anti-gay policy Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

“I thought it was easiest just to convey my message through YouTube instead of actually blogging,” he said in his Southern-tinged accent.

Instead of launching a public self-outing campaign like Lt. Dan Choi, another soldier who made headlines for fighting against DADT, Phillips’ came out quietly and gradually.

His folksy demeanor, boyish good looks and social media smarts transformed him into a different kind of Lt. Dan Choi—one for a generation of people reared on YouTube.

He shot his first dozen videos, recorded last spring, neck down to conceal his identity, his voice and hands standing in for facial expressions. The videos were shot in a southwest Asian country that Phillips couldn’t reveal (one of those “hot and sandy ones”), captured a clearly nervous Phillips talking about being gay in the military.

Voice shaking and hand trembling, Phillips’ introduced his then-closeted self to the world last April.

“The whole point of this video is to come out. That’s even hard to say,” he said faintly, warning that his coming out process could take a year.

“I was just nervous, [I had] personal fear, and fear of rejection from my friends and family,” Phillips said without stumbling, a stark contrast from his first videos when his voice sounded like a man about to fly down the tracks of the world’s tallest roller coaster. “I was even nervous of saying the words ‘I’m gay’ period.”

There also were legal issues to consider. Under the military’s policy, “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” which in effect banned gays from openly serving, he was violating the rules. However, he began the videos four months after Obama announced he was repealing the ban.

Investigations were tapering off, Phillips said. But publicly posting coming out videos—while serving overseas—still was a risky thing to do. And the emotional toll of being found out forced him to dart between well-hidden spots to record the videos.

Initially, the videos could only be discovered if someone was looking for a specific subject, such as DADT or one happened to be on Outserve, a private Facebook group for gay military members, where he posted the videos. He credits the members’ support for helping him come out.

“Everybody at that point who had seen my videos … [gave] me so much emotional support. It was a like a counselor for me.”

In August, however, things started to change. That’s when he posted an unrelated video of one of his fellow soldiers covering Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep.” Suddenly, his quiet channel got a visitor spark. People came to hear the song and then apparently noticed the other videos in his channel.

Phillips wasn’t naive. He knew that any bump in traffic could lead people to see his coming out videos so it didn’t come as a shock to him.

“I put my videos on there and from there they got shared around the Web and passed around, like everything on the Internet,” Phillips said.

After people discovered his channel, an earlier recording of Phillips coming out to his friend, Chris, started pulling in viewers.

With the wind battering his camera during an otherwise ordinary jovial moment, Phillips tells one of his closest friends he’s gay. Instead of freaking out, his friend laughs and says “I could give a rat’s ass…love is love.”

When the camera stopped recording Chris “was like ‘That’s cool, I don’t mind. You are still one of my good friends.’” Phillips recalled. “He said nothing will ever change and we would still be great friends and that he wouldn’t think of me any differently.”

In September, when DADT was officially lifted, Phillips kept true to his promise: not only did he reveal his identity to his fans on YouTube, he also posted a video of him coming out to his father and showed his face for the first time.

Finally, people could see the worry on his brow and his closely cropped light brown hair with a stylish flip in front .

Sitting at a desk against a map-clad wall, a weary eyed Phillips apprehensively dials his phone to tell him one of the hardest things a gay guy will ever say to his father.

The call takes more than an agonizing minute to connect. Phillips preps his dad for the news. He tells his him he has something important to say and then implores: “Will you still love me? Serious?”

Phillips’ voice stammers and he continually looks away from the phone like his father’s disapproving face was peering back at him.

“Yes,” his father asserts.

Phillips takes in a deep breath and then finally utters the words: “Dad. I’m gay.”

“OK,” his father says in an detached voice. The video lasts four more minutes. During that time there’s a lot of back and forth. His father maintains his stoic tone, but does say “I will always love you.” The mild-mannered Phillips responds “yes sir.”

The coming out video earned Phillips international press coverage. But he was puzzled why the voyeuristic video grabbed the attention of millions.

“I’m such a boring person. I couldn’t believe that that many people wanted to see something that hundreds and thousands of kids do every single year,” he said. “It was just a conversation on the phone.”

But it obviously meant more to others. The seven minute video has more 57,000 likes and 84,000 comments. Many are supportive of him, but there also are some homophobic haters in the crowd, which doesn’t bother him.

“Everybody can feel bulletproof behind the safety of their own computer,” he said bluntly.

“A lot of haters are going to click on it and they’re going to feel insecure,” he said. “It’s super easy to make really negative comments, and they did.”

Phillips said the video received between 5,000 to 10,000 hateful comments.

“But its nothing that [haters] haven’t said to my face… I know a lot of people like to vent over the Internet,” he said. He also shoots down critics who said Phillips released the video just for attention.

“I don’t think that many people realize how YouTube helped me, and how it pushed me. How grateful I was that I get to share my story and show people what the average reaction would be…and that life gets so much better after that.”

He admitted that the videos of him coming out to his father, and later, his mom who didn’t take the news as well, had an “ambush” aspect to them since he didn’t ask for their permission to broadcast them. (That charge came from an article in Salon who lambasted Phillips’ choice of doing this.)

“Maybe,” Phillips said. “I am not going to argue with that 100 percent. I don’t think either of my parents, if I were to ask them, ‘Hey, is it OK if I put this on the Internet?’, I don’t think they anybody would’ve said ‘yeah, go ahead.’”

“I explained to my parents about how much I owe that to the YouTube community and how many emails [he received]” that he forwarded to his parents including one who came out to his parents at 34-years-old thanks to Phillips’ video.

Although his relationship with his very conservative Southern parents remains at arm’s length (“They wouldn’t go out of their way to ask me how everything is going…but they don’t mind”), the support from the YouTube community helped him.

“I think my parents now understand that they helped more people than they thought they ever would,” Phillips said. Reaction to the video from the Air Force was also supportive. “Not one single person came up to me and said something negative,” he said.

Following the coming out videos, Phillips altered the direction of his channel from less of a gritty account of his personal life, to a mix of light-hearted videos. His channel pivoted from closely resembling the front section of a news weekly to the glossy style of Men’s Health with its mix of workout videos and travel diaries.

He has more than 36,000 subscribers and 11 million total video views. The support he received from his emotional videos helped him keep his channel up and running.

“I am going to film whatever I want to from now on, I have absolutely no push to go in any direction whatsoever,” Phillips said confidently. Also, he wants to evolve past being known as the ‘gay soldier,’ and to show the world there is more to him than that.

“I want to show everyone out there in the YouTube world that I am a plain, boring, normal guy and that being gay is just a part of me,” Phillips asserted. “I am not trying to make a career out of it. I’ve said everything that I need to say as far as coming out.”

Showing off indeed. The boyish, but built, Phillips is often times shirtless. “I’m from Alabama, I’ve been shirtless more of my life than I’ve been clothed, so whatever,” he joked. But clearly the lack of attire doesn’t hurt when it comes to gaining an audience.

Phillips’ videos are fun, candid and usually last under five minutes. The video’s lighting and sound doesn’t mirror that of a wannabe professional production like other YouTube channels. They show off Phillip’s down-to-earth, approachable, friendly side.

Viewers are treated to a glimpse of military life that not even CNN could provide. We follow him to the grocery store, watch him as he teaches us how to build stronger triceps and he occasionally does an unscripted question and answer sessions that he pulls from 10,000 follower strong Twitter account.

It takes him only about 25 minutes to shoot and edit a video, which he says a only a few of his coworkers follow along. “One of my coworker’s wives is my biggest fan,” he laughed.

The Air Force does not supervise what Phillips uploads but their code of conduct prohibits him from dabbling into anything political and he has to clearly assert that whatever views he provides are of his own.

Although his videos are pretty genial, he’s aware when he crosses a line. Earlier this month, he posted, and then quickly pulled, a video of him flexing just in his underwear tweeting “I think that video was just a little [too] much.”

His fans, however, continue to be supportive and probably won’t think he would ever go “too far.” A search for @AreYouSuprised on Twitter reveals some rabid fans that Phillips takes in stride.

“It’s funny, I take it pretty light-heatedly,” he laughed.

“I think its amazing that I had such so more of a choice then I would, and there is no reason for it. There is nothing that I have ever done that’s crazy. I’ve never been much of an activist, I just shared my personal story.”


SOURCE, Staff Writer for TheDailyDot.com


Black and White/Gay and Straight Twins

James (left) and Daniel Kelly, twin brothers.

The two teenage boys sitting on the sofa opposite are different in almost every way. On the left is James: he’s black, he’s gay, he’s gregarious, and he’s academic. He’s taking three A-levels next summer, and wants to go to university. Daniel, sitting beside him, is white. He’s straight, he’s shy, and he didn’t enjoy school at all. He left after taking GCSEs, and hopes that his next move will be an apprenticeship in engineering.

So, given that they are diametrically opposed, there is one truly surprising thing about James and Daniel. They are twins. They were born on 27 March 1993, the sons of Alyson and Errol Kelly, who live in south-east London. And from the start, it was obvious to everyone that they were the complete flipside of identical. “They were chalk and cheese, right from the word go,” says Alyson. “It was hard to believe they were even brothers, let alone twins.”

The boys’ colour was the most obvious, and extraordinary, difference. “When James was born he was the spitting image of Errol, and I remember seeing his curly hair and thinking – he’s just like his dad. It was another two hours before Daniel was born: and what a surprise he was! He was so white and wrinkly, with this curly blond hair.”

It wasn’t the first time nature had shocked Alyson and Errol. Daniel and James were the family’s third set of twins: Errol and Alyson each already had a set with a previous partner. Errol’s first set are fraternal boys, Shane and Luke, who are 21; Alyson’s are identical boys, Charles and Jordan, 20. The only singleton in the house is the couple’s youngest child, and only daughter, 14-year-old Katie. “Apart from her, it’s twin city,” says Alyson. “At least life was made a bit easier by the fact that we always had two of everything.”

But it was clear that having one black and one white twin was going to mark the family out, wherever they went. “We’d go on holiday and people would say, ‘Is that one a friend you brought along?'” says Alyson. For Errol the response of strangers was harder to deal with. “People didn’t believe Daniel was mine,” he says. “They didn’t always say anything, but I could tell it was what they were thinking.”

So how does it happen that a white and a black partner – who would usually produce, as Alyson and Errol did in their other children, black-skinned offspring – have a child who is as white as his mum? I spoke to Dr Jim Wilson, population geneticist at Edinburgh University – and his first question was, “What is Errol’s heritage?” Errol is Jamaican – and that, says Jim, is the basic explanation.

“It wouldn’t really be possible for a black African father and a white mother to have a white child, because the African would carry only black skin gene variants in his DNA, so wouldn’t have any European DNA, with white skin variants, to pass on,” he explains.

“But most Caribbean people, though black-skinned, have European DNA because in the days of slavery, many plantation owners raped female slaves, and so introduced European DNA into the black gene pool.

“The thing about skin colour is that even a bit of African DNA tends to make a person’s skin colour black – so to be white, the child must have inherited more of the father’s European DNA with its white skin variants. Added to the mother’s European DNA, this led to a child with white skin – while his brother, who is black-skinned, inherited more of his father’s African DNA.

“The Caribbean father will have less European DNA than African DNA, so it’s more likely he’ll pass on African DNA – but rarely, and I’ve worked it out to be around one in 500 sets of twins where there’s a couple of this genetic mix, the father will pass on a lot of European DNA to one child and mostly African DNA to the other. The result will be one white child and one black.”

Alyson got used to the comments and the stares, the sniggers about their parentage and the “stupid things people said” when her boys were babies; but then, when Daniel and James went to nursery aged three, the twins’ skin colour plunged the family into controversy. “They were at this very politically correct nursery, and the staff told us that when Daniel drew a picture of himself, he had to make himself look black – because he was mixed-race,” says Alyson. “And I said, that’s ridiculous. Why does Daniel have to draw himself as black, when a white face looks back at him in the mirror?”

After a row with the nursery staff, she gave interviews to her local paper and TV. “I kicked up a fuss, because it really bothered me,” she says. “Daniel had one white parent and one black, so why couldn’t he call himself white? Why does a child who is half-white and half-black have to be black? Especially when his skin colour is quite clearly white! In some ways it made me feel irrelevant – as though my colour didn’t matter. There seemed to be no right for him to be like me.”

Daniel and James are listening politely, but with slight resignation, while their mum relays the story – it is clear that, though they are aware that they are unusual, it is Alyson who is keenest on telling their tale. They don’t remember the nursery incident, they say; but nod their heads as Alyson says she took them both out of it in protest.

Primary school passed without colour being an issue: but, says Alyson, everything changed when they went to secondary school. And at this point the boys, too, add their voices: because the racism they encountered there had a huge effect on them, and on what happened to them next.

It all started well, says Alyson. “The school was almost all-white, so James was unusual. But it wasn’t a problem for James – it was a problem for Daniel.

“The boys were in different classes, so for a while no one realised they were related. Then someone found out, and the story went round that this white boy, Daniel, was actually black, and the evidence was that he had a black twin brother, James, who was right here in the school. And then Daniel started being picked on and it got really ugly and racist, and there were lots of physical attacks. Daniel was only a little kid, and he was being called names and being beaten up by much older children – it was really horrible. We even called the police.”

“I was really bullied,” cuts in Daniel, his face hardening at the memory. “People couldn’t believe James and I were brothers, and they didn’t like the fact that I looked white, but was – as they saw it – black.”

It is interesting that it was the white twin, Daniel, and not the black twin who was on the receiving end of racism – but, though it’s counter-intuitive, Alyson agrees that it betrayed very deep-seated prejudices. “Those kids couldn’t stand the fact that, as they saw it, this white kid was actually black. It was as though they wanted to punish him for daring to call himself white,” she says.

While we are chatting, James and Daniel are sitting at opposite ends of the sofa; they give the impression of being polite around one another, but don’t seem particularly close. As Alyson says, everything about them is chalk and cheese: even their body language is at odds – James moves lightly and delicately, while Daniel moves in a more muscular, masculine way. But when Alyson reaches this stage of their story, you see a glimmer of that age-old solidarity where siblings who keep one another at arm’s length, nonetheless pitch in when one of them is threatened.

“I started to notice how angry Daniel was getting at school, how people were provoking him and how he was getting hurt,” says James. “And when he got pulled in fights, I went in too, to help him. I didn’t want to see my brother being treated like that.” James does not look like a kid who would end up in any fight: but, when his brother was up against it, he weighed in – and, says Alyson, the bruises and cuts they both came home with told their own tale.

It is possible Daniel would not have liked school anyway, but being on the receiving end of racist abuse certainly did not help. “I would have left in year 7 if I could,” he says. “But instead, I left in year 11 – and it felt so good to get away.” He moved to a school that was much more racially mixed, and which his older brothers had attended. “People knew I was Charles and Jordan’s brother, but they were fine about it,” he says.

James, meanwhile, stayed on at the old school. “It was fine in the sixth form – things settled down, and I had never been on the receiving end of much racism,” he says.

But at the same time, he was coming to terms with another major difference from his brother – the fact that he is gay. “I knew from about the age of 15, but I kept it to myself for a while,” he explains. “And then a few months ago, it just seemed like the right time to tell my family. I was most worried about my dad, about what he’d say … but in the end he was fine about it.”

Daniel, too, thought it was fine. “It wasn’t as though it was a big surprise. I’d thought it for a while,” he says. “But I said to him, ‘If anyone starts bullying you about it, I’ll be there to support you.’ After all, James did that for me when I was being bullied. If anyone starts any homophobic stuff against him, I’ll be there to fight them off.”

Like all teenage siblings, there is plenty of joshing among the two of them. “I certainly wouldn’t wear James’s clothes!” says Daniel, laughing. “But if it’s the other way round, he’d wear mine!”

“No I wouldn’t,” shoots back James. “My taste in clothes is way better than yours.”

Alyson says that, initially, James’s coming out was a surprise. “We were like, ‘Woa!'” she says. “My big worry was that he’d think he was different, or special, because he was gay – so we said to him: ‘That’s fine, it’s what you are, but it doesn’t make you any more special than the other children in this family.'” Errol says he was proud of his boy for being open and honest about his feelings. “It’s fine; I’m glad he felt he could tell us,” he says.

But Alyson does admit that, just as she once worried about racist abuse being directed at Daniel, she now worries about homophobic abuse being directed at James. “It’s something you think about from time to time, but the main thing I worry about is him staying safe – I want all of my children to be safe, obviously,” she says.

These days the boys frequent very different social scenes. “A lot of my friends are lesbian or gay, and I go to gay clubs, and they aren’t places where Daniel hangs out,” says James. His big out-of-school interest is cheerleading – while Daniel, whose older half-brothers Shane and Luke are both acrobats, loves tumbling. “It’s something I’ve enjoyed for ages – I love the thrill of it, and I love how it makes me feel,” he says. After leaving school he had a spell as an acrobat on a cruise ship, which is where his older brothers also work, but he didn’t stay long. “I thought it sounded brilliant, but I missed my family too much so I came home,” he says. He has now applied for an apprenticeship, and hopes to make engineering his future.

Occasionally, the twins go out together for the evening. “It’s good fun, because we can be drinking in a bar and someone will come along for a chat who doesn’t know we’re twins. And of course they never suspect and then someone else will say, ‘Hey, do you know James and Daniel are brothers?'” says James. “And people never, ever believe it – they always think it’s a wind-up.”

“Sometimes we even get people who say: ‘I don’t believe you! Prove it!'” says Daniel, laughing. “But we don’t care whether they believe it or not anyway – we know it’s true.”

Alyson says all she wants, like any mum, is for her boys to be happy, and to live lives free from prejudice, so that each can flourish in his own way. “Mind you,” she says with a smile, “I do sometimes find myself wondering, now the children are all getting older, what the future holds. There will be another generation eventually – who will that bring along, I wonder?

“Twins are almost a must, I’d say. But the other big thing is: how many white grandchildren will I have? And how many black?” She throws back her head and laughs, and Errol laughs with her. They’re a straightforward, outspoken family, the Kellys: all they’ve ever wanted for their children is a fair chance in life. And if their youngest twins have made anyone think twice about their preconceptions about race and colour, they don’t mind that in the least. “It’s good to challenge people on race and sexuality and other issues where there’s prejudice,” says Alyson. “If knowing my boys encourages anyone to think a bit more deeply about how we label people, then that’s just great as far as I’m concerned.”

SOURCE: “Black and white twins”by Joanna Moorhead, The Guardian, Friday 23 September 2011.