I really don’t have anything worth writing today. I had a migraine yesterday, and I’d just like to stay in bed today. I have to work today though because I have a meeting at 11. Such is life.

I forgot to schedule a post for today before I went to bed last night. I wanted to post something before I started getting ready for work. Thank goodness it’s Friday. I have a pretty busy day today: classes, tours, emails, and phone calls. I’ll be glad when 4 pm gets here, and I can head home.

It’s been a busy week at work and yesterday, I was constantly busy all day long, which is usually how the days when I have a public program going on is like. Since I had nothing on my calendar for today and I had just enough time to set up the classroom for an 8 am class that I’ll be assisting with, I decided to take a vacation day today. I’m not sure what I’m going to do today, though I need to make a run to Target, and during this time of year, I’d rather go in the middle of a weekday than on a Saturday during the Christmas shopping season. I may go to HomeGoods while I’m down there and will likely have a nice lunch somewhere. Then, I’ll probably come home and do some laundry. What an exciting day! LOL At least I’m not at work.

As Benjamin Franklin said, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” Isabella always has me up between 4 am and 5 am, so the “early to rise” is thanks to her. The “early to bed” last night was because I had a long day, and I was tired and sleepy.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes you sent my way yesterday. I am humbled by your kind and encouraging words. It really means the world to me. For reasons that I am not going to get into today, my birthday has been a sad time for a number of years. I try not to let it get to me, but you combine the sadness over a tragedy in my past with thought of my life so far, and I can get a little morbid. Your comments yesterday helped me get past that and have a good birthday. I went out for breakfast at a local diner, had a sandwich that I love for lunch, and made meatballs from scratch and a marinara sauce and spaghetti for dinner last night. It was a good day filled with your inspiring words, good food, comfort from Isabella, and maybe a nap or two.

I just want to say a big heartfelt thank you for making my day better.

I’m 45 today. Time is marching on. This birthday has hit me a little differently from others. What have I done in my 45 years on this earth? I feel like I have either failed in life or waited too long to try to have a life. Fear has always kept me back. For most of my life, I was shy and insecure. To a certain extent, I still am, but I am becoming more confident, at least in some ways.

I’m 45 years old, and I’m still single. I’ve never had a relationship that has lasted much over a year. My two or three other relationships lasted a lot less if you can even call them relationships. I feel like I wasted so much time worrying about what my family thought about me being gay that life and opportunity passed me by. I wish I didn’t care what they think. I’m closer to the point of not caring anymore, but it feels too late. My parents have been married for 50 years, and my sister has been married for over 25 years. I’m still single, and I fear that will never change. 

I feel like I should be able to see retirement in my future, but it still seems a long way off. My mother was 47 when she retired for the first time, and my father was just over 50 when he retired for the first time. They both went on to work in other jobs for another ten years. However, I couldn’t afford any retirement savings or a retirement plan until I started working for this university seven years ago. Financial security has always seemed just out of my grasp.

Then, there is my health. Yes, it could be worse, but I still suffer from chronic migraines )probably always will), and my eyesight is not as good as it used to be. I have to wear reading glasses in addition to my contacts, but I was told that comes with being older. I guess the encouraging parts about my health is that I have lost weight, and my diabetes is under control. In fact, my doctor says he will probably take me off my diabetes medication when I return to him in January and declare me a “diet-controlled diabetic.”

I know I am bemoaning being 45, and as my father has always said, “It beats the alternative.” I am happy with my job and more confident in my sexuality. I have wonderful friends, and I have this blog, which I am quite proud of. Still, what do I have to show for the last 45 years? So, please excuse me for being a little melancholy on this, my 45^th birthday. 

I know I’m being silly about this. There really isn’t a reason for me to be in a bad mood about my birthday, but I am as real as I can be on this blog. I didn’t want to be falsely cheerful when I don’t feel that way at all. It would just be dishonest.

I’m just going to treat today like any other day. I usually try to do something special for my birthday, but this year, I am not in the mood. I have the day off from work and no plans. I’ll probably spend the day on the couch watching TV and spending quality time with Isabella.

For those of you in the United States, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. For those of you in other countries who don’t celebrate the holiday, I hope you’re having a nice week. A lot of people will be out shopping today. There are always loads of Black Friday sales. I doubt I will be one of them. My plan is to stay in and be lazy. Isabella gets to be lazy everyday, so I’m going to take a page out of her playbook. I doubt I’ll sleep like she does, but I plan to just relax.

By the way, my Thanksgiving dinner turned out very nice. I wish I’d had someone to share it with, then maybe I wouldn’t have eaten too much of the dressing I made. Cornbread dressing is one of my favorite part of Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.

There is a lot to be thankful for. I have a much more open and honest life in Vermont as an out and proud gay man. I don’t have to constantly hide in the closet like I was forced to do in Alabama. I have a job that I love, and that I think is rewarding. While I may complain about my job sometimes, I love what I do. I am very thankful for leaving full-time teaching to be a museum professional. I love working in the museum world, and I wish I could have discovered that earlier in my life, but I am thankful I have found it now. I am also thankful for my faithful companion, my beautiful Isabella. She brings me so much joy, even if she likes to wake me up at 4 am to be fed.

More important, I have some wonderful friends. One such friend is Susan. I don’t know what I’d do without her love and support. She’s been there for me when I needed someone the most. I’m also thankful for all my blog friends out there. As long as you keep reading, I plan to keep writing. I’ve made some really wonderful friends through this blog. Some are no longer with us, and I will miss them every day for the rest of my life. They made their way into my heart, and they will always live on in my heart and memories. Thankfully, there are those of you who are still with us, and I always look forward to your comments and emails. I may not always be able to answer my comments, and I may take a while to answer emails, but I read and cherish every one of them.

I’m also thankful for the beautiful meal I am preparing today: roast chicken with croutons (I prefer chicken to turkey), cornbread dressing (the recipe for the cornbread will be at the end of this post), collard greens, and dulce de leche lava cakes for dessert. I made the cornbread and prepared the dulce de leche for the lava cakes last night. I’ve already started the collard greens (they take a while to cook), and I’ll soon mix up the dressing.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday?
And what are you planning to eat today?

Recipe for the Cornbread for Dressing
It’s a little different from how I usually make my cornbread—it has more seasonings.

Cornbread for Dressing
Adapted from feastandfarm.com

Ingredients
1 cup self-rising cornmeal mix (not just plain cornmeal)
¼ cup self-rising flour
1 ½ Tbsp butter
⅞ cups buttermilk or regular milk (Start with 1 cup of liquid if you are using regular milk and
add the rest as necessary)
½ tsp celery salt, or to taste
0.75 tsp onion powder (you can use one small yellow (or Vidalia) onion instead)
½ tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp of Cajun seasoning (like Slap Ya Mama), or to taste, optional
⅛ tsp of freshly cracked black pepper, or to taste
¼ tsp of sage (or Bell’s seasoning), or to taste, optional
½ tsp of poultry seasoning

Preparation Steps
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
2. Melt butter as the oven preheats in an 8″ x 8″ pan.
3. Add cornmeal, self-rising flour, and seasonings in a bowl and mix with a fork. Make a well
in the center of the mixture for the butter and buttermilk.
4. Add the butter and buttermilk to the well.
5. Mix until combined.
6. Spray pan with additional butter-flavored PAM. Pour batter into the baking pan.
7. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until golden and set.

I’m not really in the mood to write much today. Yesterday was a rough day. I am very worried about a friend of mine who I haven’t heard from in several day. I haven’t been able to get in touch with him, and I’m just afraid something has happened. All I can do at the moment is pray that he’s okay. I tried every way I could to get in touch, but to no avail. Please say a prayer that my friend is fine but just not able to respond for some unknown reason.

UPDATE: I finally heard from my friend. He’s safe and sound. 

Thank you to all those who serve.