I talked to the museum director the morning. I did find out that I was not the only person they were bringing up, so there is still work to be done in the prayer department. I need to sharpen my interview skills, but I gather that this will be a more informal interview. I’m disappointed to find out that others are still being considered but that was also expected as a possibility. I’m excited about all the other possibilities of this job though. The pay is good, the benefits are spectacular, and location is close to ideal. The job will be in New England, though I don’t want to say yet which state. I will let you know the state when I have more definitive news. If all works out and I do get the job, I know I’ll freeze my balls off this winter, but I’m looking forward to a real winter, and the autumn colors are supposed to be truly awesome there.

Please keep your fingers crossed and your prayers going.

The job that I have been praying about and that many of you have been praying with me about…Well, they called and left a message yesterday and want to fly me up a week from Tuesday. I hate that I wasn’t home to receive the call, because I had some questions, but I was working at my volunteer job. They didn’t come out and say I had the job, but they had made it clear before that they would only be bringing one person up for an onsite visit. I have a few things to iron out with them this morning, but I should know in a few hours if it’s a done deal or not. So check back this afternoon for an update.

In the early morning hours yesterday, Tray Murphy, who we all knew as Jay on this blog, took his own life. Jay had felt that the problems he was facing were insurmountable. I will not elaborate because I don’t think it’s fair to Jay, but I will never believe that the cause of his problems were real. That being said, I know it caused major problems in Jay’s life. Problems he could not deal with. It broke my heart, and I have shed many tears since I heard the news.

I have known Jay since the beginning of this blog. For over five years, he commented almost everyday. (He always commented on the Blogger version). He even commented on the poetry, which few people ever do. Jay was not only a blog reader but a true friend. I always knew that if I found myself in Virginia, I had a place to stay, and I had a friend who’d welcome me with open arms. Jay was kind and loving. He always had a kind word and was always supportive.

Jay felt at the end that even God had deserted him. I tried to make him understand that God never deserts us. I just pray that God will help his family get through this tragedy.

Though Jay won’t be able to read this, he would want to know that we loved him, cared about him, and he will be missed so very much.

Goodbye, Jay. We love you. We will always miss you.

Peace ❤
Joe

I try so hard to remain upbeat and to just believe that God will point me in the right direction. He says that He will not forsake us if we do not forsake Him, but it is really hard at times to believe that. As I write this, it is Wednesday afternoon. The sky is dark with storm clouds, the rain is beating down, and there is thunder and lightening all around. Not the best thing for keeping a person’s spirits up, even though I’ve always loved the rain and stormy weather. It’s just not lifting my spirits. I should be happy that my job interview seemed to go well, but instead I brooded all night last night with worry. I finally fell asleep sometime around 4 a.m. I made myself get out of bed at 10:30, but I didn’t want to. I did though and submitted three more job applications. However, by the afternoon I was wiped.

The stress and worry is piling up on me. What am I going to do financially if I can’t find a job? Why can’t people see that I’d be a wonderful asset to their organization? Why can’t I find the joy in the little things that should make me happy? I hate my life, I hate my fucking situation, and I just want to be far, far away from this miserable place.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe something good will finally happen. Maybe I will actually even get some encouraging news this afternoon. Maybe this, maybe that. It all seems to be maybes, and I don’t handle uncertainties well. To be completely honest, I’m scared. I’m doing everything I know how to do but nothing seems to work. People have told me over and over that things will eventually work out, but it’s times like this that I find that hard to believe. This up and down roller coaster of emotions is killing me, and I don’t know what to do, except just curl up in bed and cry. Which is what I’m going to do right now. Maybe listening to the rain will help smooth me, or maybe I’ll fall asleep and wake up feeling more hopeful.

I have a terrible headache tonight, and I just need to go to bed. I had a few things I had to do tonight, or I would have gone to bed much earlier. I will post a poem as soon as I get up and going in the morning. Probably after I have my coffee, or during, I’ll see how the mood strikes me.

I kept falling asleep as I was writing my post.  Sorry readers.  I will get my act togethr over the weekend.

The Cotton States and International Exposition Speech was an address on the topic of race relations given by Booker T. Washington on September 18, 1895. The speech laid the foundation for the Atlanta compromise, an agreement between African-American leaders and Southern white leaders in which Southern blacks would work meekly and submit to white political rule, while Southern whites guaranteed that blacks would receive basic education and due process of law. One of the most memorable parts was a parable that Washington used:

A ship lost at sea for many days suddenly sighted a friendly vessel. From the mast of the unfortunate vessel was seen a signal,“Water, water; we die of thirst!” The answer from the friendly vessel at once came back, “Cast down your bucket where you are.” A second time the signal, “Water, water; send us water!” ran up from the distressed vessel, and was answered, “Cast down your bucket where you are.” And a third and fourth signal for water was answered, “Cast down your bucket where you are.” The captain of the distressed vessel, at last heeding the injunction, cast down his bucket, and it came up full of fresh, sparkling water from the mouth of the Amazon River. To those of my race who depend on bettering their condition in a foreign land or who underestimate the importance of cultivating friendly relations with the Southern white man, who is their next-door neighbor, I would say: “Cast down your bucket where you are”— cast it down in making friends in every manly way of the people of all races by whom we are surrounded.

“Cast down your bucket where you are” was a phrase that surfaced numerous times throughout Washington’s speech. Generally, the phrase had different meanings for whites and blacks. For whites, Washington seemed to be challenging their common misperceptions of black labor. The North had been experiencing labor troubles in the early 1890s (Homestead Strike, Pullman Strike, etc.) and Washington sought to capitalize on these issues by offering Southern black labor as an alternative, especially since his Tuskegee Institute was in the business of training such workers. For blacks, however, the “Bucket motif” represented a call to personal uplift and diligence, as the South needed them to rebuild following the Civil War.

The speech was often derided by opponents who said it was the cornerstone of Washington’s accommodationist philosophy. Washington’s Tuskegee Institute accomplished its task of training African Americans in trades that allowed them to be seen in a better light by southern whites. Washington’s opponent W.E.B. DuBois wanted to push African American equality through the courts and while ultimately this approach worked, it never really changed the hearts and minds of many whites in America. Washington predicted that this would be the case and so he kept his approach, even though it went out of fashion with many African Americans.

In today’s America, LGBT rights have been gained not through legislation, but through the courts. Those changes, however, would not have been possible without a major change in the hearts and minds of Americans. LGBT Americans have been come more common on television and in the media. “Will & Grace” changed a lot of perceptions about gay men, and Brokeback Mountain showed the plight and the horrors of forcing people to hide who they are. Matthew Shepherd’s death showed us the consequences of what attitudes of hatred toward gays can lead to. These events have helped he LGBT cause but there is still far to go.

Washington’s speech is something I’ve often thought about in the context of the issues I’ve discussed in the last week: moving, disappointment, and deceitful biblical interpretations. You see, for some of us, we have no choice but to cast down our bucket where we are. By staying, we will work in various different ways to change the hearts and minds of those against us, whether we remain closeted or come out. We each have a role to play in making the world a better place. At times, our efforts will lead to disappointments and people we trust will cause us disappointments, but we must persevere. We can not allow setbacks to deter us on our journey to equality. We have marriage equality nationwide, but we need non-discrimination laws nationwide as well.

Lastly, our greatest obstacle is the erroneous use of biblical texts to condemn homosexuality. As long as preachers stand in their pulpits and preach misleading sermons and as long as people use “religious freedom” as an excuse to discriminate, we will not achieve equality. African Americans achieved equality through the courts, but they have yet to achieve full equality in the minds of many Americans. Racism is alive and well, just look at the Charleston shooting. Which has led finally to the downfall of the Confederate battle flag as a symbol of racist heritage. I pray that it will not take the mass death of LGBT Americans before we see the same symbols of hatred in the clobber passages in the Bible that condemn homosexuality. We already see similar instances of religion used to defend hatred in the Middle East areas controlled by ISIS. As long as politicians and ministers spout hatred of homosexuality people will become even more bold in their hatred until they begin to retaliate against the LGBT community. This is why it is so important for us to work in areas where LGBT Americans are least accepted. If we leave these areas, hate wins and if will only grow, but if we stay and they must face us, whether they know our sexuality or not, we have not yet lost the fight.

To my fellow LGBT who depend on bettering their condition in a foreign land or who underestimate the importance of cultivating friendly relations with the Southern Christians or evangelical Christians, who is their next-door neighbor, I would say: “Cast down your bucket where you are”— cast it down in making friends in every way of the people of all beliefs by whom we are surrounded.
 We should not have to run and we should be able to cast down our bucket where we are because in areas like the American South the battle has just begun. To paraphrase the immortal retort of Captain John Paul Jones to a request to surrender as he and his crew engaged in a desperate battle with a British frigate off the northern coast of England during the American Revolution: We have not yet begun to fight! 

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

America the Beautiful

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife.
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine!

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for halcyon skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the enameled plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till souls wax fair as earth and air
And music-hearted sea!

O beautiful for pilgrims feet,
Whose stem impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till paths be wrought through
wilds of thought
By pilgrim foot and knee!

O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice,
for man’s avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee!

There will be no Moment of Zen tomorrow.  I am not sure I will be posting for several days.  As I was leaving school today, I was called in to the principal’s office and told that I no longer had a job.  I have no idea what I will do, except look for a new job.  There was no warning, no reprimands on my record, no hint of me not returning for next year.  I was simply told there had been complaints made, though no one can tell me what they were.  It is a mystery to me, and a mystery to all those who I’ve spoken with about the issue.
I can’t stop crying, and I’m just in shock.