Category Archives: Inspiration

The Pumpkin by John Greenleaf Whittier

The Pumpkin
by John Greenleaf Whittier

Oh, greenly and fair in the lands of the sun,
The vines of the gourd and the rich melon run,
And the rock and the tree and the cottage enfold,
With broad leaves all greenness and blossoms all gold,
Like that which o’er Nineveh’s prophet once grew,
While he waited to know that his warning was true,
And longed for the storm-cloud, and listened in vain
For the rush of the whirlwind and red fire-rain.

On the banks of the Xenil the dark Spanish maiden
Comes up with the fruit of the tangled vine laden;
And the Creole of Cuba laughs out to behold
Through orange-leaves shining the broad spheres of gold;
Yet with dearer delight from his home in the North,
On the fields of his harvest the Yankee looks forth,
Where crook-necks are coiling and yellow fruit shines,
And the sun of September melts down on his vines.

Ah! on Thanksgiving day, when from East and from West,
From North and from South comes the pilgrim and guest;
When the gray-haired New Englander sees round his board
The old broken links of affection restored,
When the care-wearied man seeks his mother once more,
And the worn matron smiles where the girl smiled before,
What moistens the lip and what brightens the eye?
What calls back the past, like the rich Pumpkin pie?

Oh, fruit loved of boyhood! the old days recalling,
When wood-grapes were purpling and brown nuts were falling!
When wild, ugly faces we carved in its skin,
Glaring out through the dark with a candle within!
When we laughed round the corn-heap, with hearts all in tune,
Our chair a broad pumpkin,—our lantern the moon,
Telling tales of the fairy who travelled like steam
In a pumpkin-shell coach, with two rats for her team!

Then thanks for thy present! none sweeter or better
E’er smoked from an oven or circled a platter!
Fairer hands never wrought at a pastry more fine,
Brighter eyes never watched o’er its baking, than thine!
And the prayer, which my mouth is too full to express,
Swells my heart that thy shadow may never be less,
That the days of thy lot may be lengthened below,
And the fame of thy worth like a pumpkin-vine grow,
And thy life be as sweet, and its last sunset sky
Golden-tinted and fair as thy own Pumpkin pie!

In the poem “The Pumpkin” by 19th century poet John Greenleaf Whittier, the tradition of Thanksgiving is described as a time of remembrance and return, a celebration of abundance, both of sustenance and of love, at a family gathering. The poet depicts the scene sensually, packing each line with the fruits of a healthy harvest and the warmth of a kitchen sweet from baking. By the end of the poem, the words achieve an almost too-full splendor:

And the prayer, which my mouth is too full to express,
Swells my heart that thy shadow may never be less,
That the days of thy lot may be lengthened below,
And the fame of thy worth like a pumpkin-vine grow…

Having lived on a farm his entire life, Whittier offers his reader the plentiful harvest as a symbol of a productive year, evoking the historical origin of Thanksgiving as the meal held in 1621 by the Wampanoag together with the Pilgrims who settled in Plymouth, Massachusetts; the harvest festival was a shared tradition of both cultures, and the account of a peaceful celebration between the two groups is still the basis for the holiday today. While some of the elements of the story are myths that were consciously exaggerated in the 1890s and early 1900s in the hopes of forging a national identity in the aftermath of the Civil War, the core message of acceptance and commonality still remains for many celebrants.

SOURCES:


Being Thankful

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
Albert Schweitzer
Keep your eyes open to your mercies. The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life.
Robert Louis Stevenson
We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning.
Albert Barnes
We can be thankful to a friend for a few acres, or a little money; and yet for the freedom and command of the whole earth, and for the great benefits of our being, our life, health, and reason, we look upon ourselves as under no obligation.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.
Frank Howard Clark
If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.
W. Clement Stone
Like Christ said, love thee one another. I learned to do that, and I learned to respect and be appreciative and thankful for what I had.
James Brown
Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses.
Alphonse Karr
Thanksgiving is a time when the world gets to see just how blessed and how workable the Christian system is. The emphasis is not on giving or buying, but on being thankful and expressing that appreciation to God and to one another.
John Clayton
The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!
Henry Ward Beecher
We have to be thankful considering our number as a family we enjoy very good health generally but you may be sure me and my partner have quite enough to exercise our minds and occupy our attention.
John Hawley
We in the United States should be all the more thankful for the freedom and religious tolerance we enjoy. And we should always remember the lessons learned from the Holocaust, in hopes we stay vigilant against such inhumanity now and in the future.
Charlie Dent

Black and White/Gay and Straight Twins

James (left) and Daniel Kelly, twin brothers.

The two teenage boys sitting on the sofa opposite are different in almost every way. On the left is James: he’s black, he’s gay, he’s gregarious, and he’s academic. He’s taking three A-levels next summer, and wants to go to university. Daniel, sitting beside him, is white. He’s straight, he’s shy, and he didn’t enjoy school at all. He left after taking GCSEs, and hopes that his next move will be an apprenticeship in engineering.

So, given that they are diametrically opposed, there is one truly surprising thing about James and Daniel. They are twins. They were born on 27 March 1993, the sons of Alyson and Errol Kelly, who live in south-east London. And from the start, it was obvious to everyone that they were the complete flipside of identical. “They were chalk and cheese, right from the word go,” says Alyson. “It was hard to believe they were even brothers, let alone twins.”

The boys’ colour was the most obvious, and extraordinary, difference. “When James was born he was the spitting image of Errol, and I remember seeing his curly hair and thinking – he’s just like his dad. It was another two hours before Daniel was born: and what a surprise he was! He was so white and wrinkly, with this curly blond hair.”

It wasn’t the first time nature had shocked Alyson and Errol. Daniel and James were the family’s third set of twins: Errol and Alyson each already had a set with a previous partner. Errol’s first set are fraternal boys, Shane and Luke, who are 21; Alyson’s are identical boys, Charles and Jordan, 20. The only singleton in the house is the couple’s youngest child, and only daughter, 14-year-old Katie. “Apart from her, it’s twin city,” says Alyson. “At least life was made a bit easier by the fact that we always had two of everything.”

But it was clear that having one black and one white twin was going to mark the family out, wherever they went. “We’d go on holiday and people would say, ‘Is that one a friend you brought along?'” says Alyson. For Errol the response of strangers was harder to deal with. “People didn’t believe Daniel was mine,” he says. “They didn’t always say anything, but I could tell it was what they were thinking.”

So how does it happen that a white and a black partner – who would usually produce, as Alyson and Errol did in their other children, black-skinned offspring – have a child who is as white as his mum? I spoke to Dr Jim Wilson, population geneticist at Edinburgh University – and his first question was, “What is Errol’s heritage?” Errol is Jamaican – and that, says Jim, is the basic explanation.

“It wouldn’t really be possible for a black African father and a white mother to have a white child, because the African would carry only black skin gene variants in his DNA, so wouldn’t have any European DNA, with white skin variants, to pass on,” he explains.

“But most Caribbean people, though black-skinned, have European DNA because in the days of slavery, many plantation owners raped female slaves, and so introduced European DNA into the black gene pool.

“The thing about skin colour is that even a bit of African DNA tends to make a person’s skin colour black – so to be white, the child must have inherited more of the father’s European DNA with its white skin variants. Added to the mother’s European DNA, this led to a child with white skin – while his brother, who is black-skinned, inherited more of his father’s African DNA.

“The Caribbean father will have less European DNA than African DNA, so it’s more likely he’ll pass on African DNA – but rarely, and I’ve worked it out to be around one in 500 sets of twins where there’s a couple of this genetic mix, the father will pass on a lot of European DNA to one child and mostly African DNA to the other. The result will be one white child and one black.”

Alyson got used to the comments and the stares, the sniggers about their parentage and the “stupid things people said” when her boys were babies; but then, when Daniel and James went to nursery aged three, the twins’ skin colour plunged the family into controversy. “They were at this very politically correct nursery, and the staff told us that when Daniel drew a picture of himself, he had to make himself look black – because he was mixed-race,” says Alyson. “And I said, that’s ridiculous. Why does Daniel have to draw himself as black, when a white face looks back at him in the mirror?”

After a row with the nursery staff, she gave interviews to her local paper and TV. “I kicked up a fuss, because it really bothered me,” she says. “Daniel had one white parent and one black, so why couldn’t he call himself white? Why does a child who is half-white and half-black have to be black? Especially when his skin colour is quite clearly white! In some ways it made me feel irrelevant – as though my colour didn’t matter. There seemed to be no right for him to be like me.”

Daniel and James are listening politely, but with slight resignation, while their mum relays the story – it is clear that, though they are aware that they are unusual, it is Alyson who is keenest on telling their tale. They don’t remember the nursery incident, they say; but nod their heads as Alyson says she took them both out of it in protest.

Primary school passed without colour being an issue: but, says Alyson, everything changed when they went to secondary school. And at this point the boys, too, add their voices: because the racism they encountered there had a huge effect on them, and on what happened to them next.

It all started well, says Alyson. “The school was almost all-white, so James was unusual. But it wasn’t a problem for James – it was a problem for Daniel.

“The boys were in different classes, so for a while no one realised they were related. Then someone found out, and the story went round that this white boy, Daniel, was actually black, and the evidence was that he had a black twin brother, James, who was right here in the school. And then Daniel started being picked on and it got really ugly and racist, and there were lots of physical attacks. Daniel was only a little kid, and he was being called names and being beaten up by much older children – it was really horrible. We even called the police.”

“I was really bullied,” cuts in Daniel, his face hardening at the memory. “People couldn’t believe James and I were brothers, and they didn’t like the fact that I looked white, but was – as they saw it – black.”

It is interesting that it was the white twin, Daniel, and not the black twin who was on the receiving end of racism – but, though it’s counter-intuitive, Alyson agrees that it betrayed very deep-seated prejudices. “Those kids couldn’t stand the fact that, as they saw it, this white kid was actually black. It was as though they wanted to punish him for daring to call himself white,” she says.

While we are chatting, James and Daniel are sitting at opposite ends of the sofa; they give the impression of being polite around one another, but don’t seem particularly close. As Alyson says, everything about them is chalk and cheese: even their body language is at odds – James moves lightly and delicately, while Daniel moves in a more muscular, masculine way. But when Alyson reaches this stage of their story, you see a glimmer of that age-old solidarity where siblings who keep one another at arm’s length, nonetheless pitch in when one of them is threatened.

“I started to notice how angry Daniel was getting at school, how people were provoking him and how he was getting hurt,” says James. “And when he got pulled in fights, I went in too, to help him. I didn’t want to see my brother being treated like that.” James does not look like a kid who would end up in any fight: but, when his brother was up against it, he weighed in – and, says Alyson, the bruises and cuts they both came home with told their own tale.

It is possible Daniel would not have liked school anyway, but being on the receiving end of racist abuse certainly did not help. “I would have left in year 7 if I could,” he says. “But instead, I left in year 11 – and it felt so good to get away.” He moved to a school that was much more racially mixed, and which his older brothers had attended. “People knew I was Charles and Jordan’s brother, but they were fine about it,” he says.

James, meanwhile, stayed on at the old school. “It was fine in the sixth form – things settled down, and I had never been on the receiving end of much racism,” he says.

But at the same time, he was coming to terms with another major difference from his brother – the fact that he is gay. “I knew from about the age of 15, but I kept it to myself for a while,” he explains. “And then a few months ago, it just seemed like the right time to tell my family. I was most worried about my dad, about what he’d say … but in the end he was fine about it.”

Daniel, too, thought it was fine. “It wasn’t as though it was a big surprise. I’d thought it for a while,” he says. “But I said to him, ‘If anyone starts bullying you about it, I’ll be there to support you.’ After all, James did that for me when I was being bullied. If anyone starts any homophobic stuff against him, I’ll be there to fight them off.”

Like all teenage siblings, there is plenty of joshing among the two of them. “I certainly wouldn’t wear James’s clothes!” says Daniel, laughing. “But if it’s the other way round, he’d wear mine!”

“No I wouldn’t,” shoots back James. “My taste in clothes is way better than yours.”

Alyson says that, initially, James’s coming out was a surprise. “We were like, ‘Woa!'” she says. “My big worry was that he’d think he was different, or special, because he was gay – so we said to him: ‘That’s fine, it’s what you are, but it doesn’t make you any more special than the other children in this family.'” Errol says he was proud of his boy for being open and honest about his feelings. “It’s fine; I’m glad he felt he could tell us,” he says.

But Alyson does admit that, just as she once worried about racist abuse being directed at Daniel, she now worries about homophobic abuse being directed at James. “It’s something you think about from time to time, but the main thing I worry about is him staying safe – I want all of my children to be safe, obviously,” she says.

These days the boys frequent very different social scenes. “A lot of my friends are lesbian or gay, and I go to gay clubs, and they aren’t places where Daniel hangs out,” says James. His big out-of-school interest is cheerleading – while Daniel, whose older half-brothers Shane and Luke are both acrobats, loves tumbling. “It’s something I’ve enjoyed for ages – I love the thrill of it, and I love how it makes me feel,” he says. After leaving school he had a spell as an acrobat on a cruise ship, which is where his older brothers also work, but he didn’t stay long. “I thought it sounded brilliant, but I missed my family too much so I came home,” he says. He has now applied for an apprenticeship, and hopes to make engineering his future.

Occasionally, the twins go out together for the evening. “It’s good fun, because we can be drinking in a bar and someone will come along for a chat who doesn’t know we’re twins. And of course they never suspect and then someone else will say, ‘Hey, do you know James and Daniel are brothers?'” says James. “And people never, ever believe it – they always think it’s a wind-up.”

“Sometimes we even get people who say: ‘I don’t believe you! Prove it!'” says Daniel, laughing. “But we don’t care whether they believe it or not anyway – we know it’s true.”

Alyson says all she wants, like any mum, is for her boys to be happy, and to live lives free from prejudice, so that each can flourish in his own way. “Mind you,” she says with a smile, “I do sometimes find myself wondering, now the children are all getting older, what the future holds. There will be another generation eventually – who will that bring along, I wonder?

“Twins are almost a must, I’d say. But the other big thing is: how many white grandchildren will I have? And how many black?” She throws back her head and laughs, and Errol laughs with her. They’re a straightforward, outspoken family, the Kellys: all they’ve ever wanted for their children is a fair chance in life. And if their youngest twins have made anyone think twice about their preconceptions about race and colour, they don’t mind that in the least. “It’s good to challenge people on race and sexuality and other issues where there’s prejudice,” says Alyson. “If knowing my boys encourages anyone to think a bit more deeply about how we label people, then that’s just great as far as I’m concerned.”

SOURCE: “Black and white twins”by Joanna Moorhead, The Guardian, Friday 23 September 2011.


Courage!

Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! 

Those are the immortal words of the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz.  I have always loved the Cowardly Lion, not for his cowardice, but because he not only is a true hero who finds his courage in the end, but also because he is the one character that I have always identified with the most, for his courage.  The Cowardly Lion has been on my mind lately for a few reasons.  It is the time of year that I always show The Wizard of Oz as a way to discuss the Populist Movement in American History. Also, having posted about gay icons during LGBT History Month, I have been reminded of the courage that so many LGBT people have had that help make our lives easier to live.  Furthermore, I was sent a link to the British docu-drama A Very British Sex Scandal (which I plan to write about in a future post).  The docu-drama is about the courage of Peter Wildeblood in helping to decriminalize homosexuality in Britain.

So this week, I want to focus on courage, and the courage that it takes to be a gay person, even in this day and age.  There are still places where homosexuality is still illegal, and in many parts of the United States, gay people are still discriminated against.  I hope that one day it will no longer be an issue and that people can and will be accepted for who they are, and not derided for “what” they are.


Support LGBT Youth: Wear Purple for Spirit Day

Millions of Americans wear purple on Spirit Day as a sign of support for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth and to speak out against bullying. Spirit Day was started in 2010 by teenager Brittany McMillan as a response to the young people who had taken their own lives. Observed annually on October 20, individuals, schools, organizations, and corporations, media professionals and celebrities wear purple, which symbolizes spirit on the rainbow flag. Getting involved is easy — participants are asked to simply “go purple” on October 20 as we work to create a world in which LGBT teens are celebrated and accepted for who they are.

Far too many of us have been targeted or mistreated just for being who we are, especially during our youth. We know that one of the worst parts of that experience is feeling alone and isolated, as if no one understands or cares. The motivation for Spirit Day is to conquer this with a very simple gesture.

Let’s send a message to all the young people looking to find acceptance for themselves, their family and friends who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. From television studios to school assemblies to storefronts to sporting events: Wear purple on October 20!

The idea of wearing purple as a symbolic gesture came from Brittany McMillan who was moved by the tragic stories of teen suicides in the LGBT community in 2010. She wanted to highlight the color purple, which represents “spirit” in the rainbow pride flag, as a show of hope and resilience. The idea caught on like wildfire. From Hollywood to pep rallies, people were wearing purple in a vivid display of love and support.

We all have been profoundly impacted by these stories and want to send a powerful signal that we collectively value and celebrate the lives of all young people. In a sea of encouraging friends all wearing purple in a massive gesture of unity, it gets much harder to feel alone. Our hope is that this day of solidarity and strength in numbers will be a source of on-going inspiration for young people as they face the inevitable challenges of learning to love themselves for who they are, sometimes in the face of extreme adversity.

Please join me. Let’s do it again with even more creativity and visibility. It doesn’t take much and who doesn’t look good in purple? Help us make it clear that, regardless of the obstacles, young people should always feel surrounded by love and crowds of allies. Wear purple, let your support shine.


A Little Inspiration

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Dr. Seuss


Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known to the world as the beloved Dr. Seuss, was born in 1904 on Howard Street in Springfield, Massachusetts. Ted’s father, Theodor Robert, and grandfather were brewmasters in the city. His mother, Henrietta Seuss Geisel, often soothed her children to sleep by “chanting” rhymes remembered from her youth. Ted credited his mother with both his ability and desire to create the rhymes for which he became so well known.

Although the Geisels enjoyed great financial success for many years, the onset of World War I and Prohibition presented both financial and social challenges for the German immigrants. Nonetheless, the family persevered and again prospered, providing Ted and his sister, Marnie, with happy childhoods.

The influence of Ted’s memories of Springfield can be seen throughout his work. Drawings of Horton the Elephant meandering along streams in the Jungle of Nool, for example, mirror the watercourses in Springfield’s Forest Park from the period. The fanciful truck driven by Sylvester McMonkey McBean in The Sneetches could well be the Knox tractor that young Ted saw on the streets of Springfield. In addition to its name, Ted’s first children’s book, And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street, is filled with Springfield imagery, including a look-alike of Mayor Fordis Parker on the reviewing stand, and police officers riding red motorcycles, the traditional color of Springfield’s famed Indian Motocycles.

Ted left Springfield as a teenager to attend Dartmouth College, where he became editor-in-chief of the Jack-O-Lantern, Dartmouth’s humor magazine. Although his tenure as editor ended prematurely when Ted and his friends were caught throwing a drinking party, which was against the prohibition laws and school policy, he continued to contribute to the magazine, signing his work “Seuss.” This is the first record of the “Seuss” pseudonym, which was both Ted’s middle name and his mother’s maiden name.

To please his father, who wanted him to be a college professor, Ted went on to Oxford University in England after graduation. However, his academic studies bored him, and he decided to tour Europe instead. Oxford did provide him the opportunity to meet a classmate, Helen Palmer, who not only became his first wife, but also a children’s author and book editor.

After returning to the United States, Ted began to pursue a career as a cartoonist. The Saturday Evening Post and other publications published some of his early pieces, but the bulk of Ted’s activity during his early career was devoted to creating advertising campaigns for Standard Oil, which he did for more than 15 years.

As World War II approached, Ted’s focus shifted, and he began contributing weekly political cartoons to PM magazine, a liberal publication. Too old for the draft, but wanting to contribute to the war effort, Ted served with Frank Capra’s Signal Corps (U.S. Army) making training movies. It was here that he was introduced to the art of animation and developed a series of animated training films featuring a trainee called Private Snafu.

While Ted was continuing to contribute to Life, Vanity Fair, Judge and other magazines, Viking Press offered him a contract to illustrate a collection of children’s sayings called Boners. Although the book was not a commercial success, the illustrations received great reviews, providing Ted with his first “big break” into children’s literature. Getting the first book that he both wrote and illustrated, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, published, however, required a great degree of persistence – it was rejected 27 times before being published by Vanguard Press.

The Cat in the Hat, perhaps the defining book of Ted’s career, developed as part of a unique joint venture between Houghton Mifflin (Vanguard Press) and Random House. Houghton Mifflin asked Ted to write and illustrate a children’s primer using only 225 “new-reader” vocabulary words. Because he was under contract to Random House, Random House obtained the trade publication rights, and Houghton Mifflin kept the school rights. With the release of The Cat in the Hat, Ted became the definitive children’s book author and illustrator.

After Ted’s first wife died in 1967, Ted married an old friend, Audrey Stone Geisel, who not only influenced his later books, but now guards his legacy as the president of Dr. Seuss Enterprises.

At the time of his death on September 24, 1991, Ted had written and illustrated 44 children’s books, including such all-time favorites as Green Eggs and Ham, Oh, the Places You’ll Go, Fox in Socks, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. His books had been translated into more than 15 languages. Over 200 million copies had found their way into homes and hearts around the world.

Besides the books, his works have provided the source for eleven children’s television specials, a Broadway musical and a feature-length motion picture. Other major motion pictures are on the way.

His honors included two Academy awards, two Emmy awards, a Peabody award and the Pulitzer Prize.


Lynn Lavner and Homosexuality

“There are 6 admonishments in the Bible concerning homosexual activity and our enemies are always throwing them up to us usually in a vicious way and very much out of context. What they don’t want us to remember is that there are 362 admonishments in the Bible concerning heterosexual activity. I don’t mean to imply by this that God doesn’t love straight people, only that they seem to require a great deal more supervision.” from Butch Fatale–Lynn Lavner

Lynn Lavner is an American comedian and musician from Brooklyn, New York. Much of her material is based around the facts that she is Jewish and a lesbian. She is frequently billed as “America’s Most Politically Incorrect Entertainer.”

Lavner began her career in 1981 when she wrote the music to the lesbian themed play Ladies! Don’t Spit and Holler!. After a showing of the play a fan came up to her and asked if the soundtrack was available on album. When Lavner told her it wasn’t, the fan, who had recently inherited a large amount of money, offered to put up the money so the soundtrack could be adapted into an album.

Lavner’s musical style harkens back to Tin Pan Alley pop. Lavner lists some of her major influences as George Gershwin, Irving Berlin, and Cole Porter. Lavner initially was inspired to begin playing piano by her father, who played to entertain company.


Philia: Brotherly Love

Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body. Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation. Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

Hebrews 13:1-8

We recognize philia and its meaning from the name Philadelphia, that is, the city of brotherly love. This is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy.

Philia is the Greek word for neighborly love – the bonds of friendship that bind us together in community. Philia can be defined as “the reserve of human warmth, enthusiasm and generosity that nourishes and stimulates the fellowship at the heart of civic life.” By “reserve” I mean that these qualities already exist in our communities; we just need to draw them out. In other words, our communities are inherently resilient. The lens of resilience is fundamental to Philia because it makes us re-examine our assumptions about how individuals and communities function and grow. It reminds us that we are not merely passive recipients in need of outside support and intervention, but have a built-in capacity to heal, adapt, transform and survive.

In contrast to the desiring and passionate yearning of eros, philia entails a fondness and appreciation of the other. For the Greeks, the term philia incorporated not just friendship, but also loyalties to family and polis-one’s political community, job, or discipline. Philia for another may be motivated, as Aristotle explains in the Nicomachean Ethics, Book VIII, for the agent’s sake or for the other’s own sake. The motivational distinctions are derived from love for another because the friendship is wholly useful as in the case of business contacts, or because their character and values are pleasing (with the implication that if those attractive habits change, so too does the friendship), or for the other in who they are in themselves, regardless of one’s interests in the matter. The English concept of friendship roughly captures Aristotle’s notion of philia, as he writes: “things that cause friendship are: doing kindnesses; doing them unasked; and not proclaiming the fact when they are done” (Rhetoric, II. 4, trans. Rhys Roberts).

Aristotle elaborates on the kinds of things we seek in proper friendship, suggesting that the proper basis for philia is objective: those who share our dispositions, who bear no grudges, who seek what we do, who are temperate, and just, who admire us appropriately as we admire them, and so on. Philia could not emanate from those who are quarrelsome, gossips, aggressive in manner and personality, who are unjust, and so on. The best characters, it follows, may produce the best kind of friendship and hence love: indeed, how to be a good character worthy of philia is the theme of the Nicomachaen Ethics. The most rational man is he who would be the happiest, and he, therefore, who is capable of the best form of friendship, which between two “who are good, and alike in virtue” is rare (NE, VIII.4 trans. Ross). We can surmise that love between such equals-Aristotle’s rational and happy men-would be perfect, with circles of diminishing quality for those who are morally removed from the best. He characterizes such love as “a sort of excess of feeling”. (NE, VIII.6)
Friendships of a lesser quality may also be based on the pleasure or utility that is derived from another’s company. A business friendship is based on utility–on mutual reciprocity of similar business interests; once the business is at an end, then the friendship dissolves. This is similar to those friendships based on the pleasure that is derived from the other’s company, which is not a pleasure enjoyed for whom the other person is in himself, but in the flow of pleasure from his actions or humor.

The first condition for the highest form of Aristotelian love is that a man loves himself. Without an egoistic basis, he cannot extend sympathy and affection to others (NE, IX.8). Such self-love is not hedonistic, or glorified, depending on the pursuit of immediate pleasures or the adulation of the crowd, it is instead a reflection of his pursuit of the noble and virtuous, which culminate in the pursuit of the reflective life. Friendship with others is required “since his purpose is to contemplate worthy actions… to live pleasantly… sharing in discussion and thought” as is appropriate for the virtuous man and his friend (NE, IX.9). The morally virtuous man deserves in turn the love of those below him; he is not obliged to give an equal love in return, which implies that the Aristotelian concept of love is elitist or perfectionist: “In all friendships implying inequality the love also should be proportional, i.e. the better should be more loved than he loves.” (NE, VIII, 7,). Reciprocity, although not necessarily equal, is a condition of Aristotelian love and friendship, although parental love can involve a one-sided fondness.

The concept of philia love, or brotherly love, can be analogous to the modern idea of Platonic Love.  Today, when people refer to “Platonic Love” they are referring to an affectionate relationship without sexual intimacy. This is not what Plato meant when referring to love. Plato’s Symposium addresses love and presents various opinions on the subject. A symposium was a banquet, usually accompanied by much wine, but at this particular symposium, the diners chose to remain relatively sober. Likewise, the customary symposium entertainment was sent away. This made the discussion of love the central aspect of the feast. The recounted speech of Diotima is taken to be closest to Plato’s own ideas on love.

The type of love Plato seems to have admired most was that in which one man loved another because of his intelligence or virtue, rather than because of his physical attractions — a love of the idea of beauty more than the physical appearance, and a love of a person is a lesser love to that of absolute beauty, the ideal form.

Platonic love in the modern world can also refer to love between gay men.  I think that we should think of Platonic love and Philia love in the same way.  We should love our fellow man, treat him kindly without expecting something in return.  The beauty of friendship is that you are a friend through thick and thin, which could be described as a Platonic relationship, but the traditional definition of Philia love is a friendship based on conditions.  However, I think that if we think of brotherly love as a love with conditions, then we are doing it an injustice.  We should love our friends unconditionally, and I hope that is what all of us do.

Sources:

Philia from Wikipedia
A Short Handbook on Love
Definition of Philia
Philosophy of Love
Platonic Love

Note:  I debated whether or not to include the Biblical passage above because it comes from Hebrews Chapter 13.  See, I have a bit of a fear of the number “13,” not a major fear, just a wariness.  In other words, I have a slight case of “Triskaidekaphobia.” Triskaidekaphobia (from Greek tris meaning “3”, kai meaning “and”, deka meaning “10” and phobia meaning “fear” or “morbid fear”) is fear of the number 13; it is a superstition and related to a specific fear of Friday the 13th, called paraskevidekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia.


Straight But Not Narrow

I came across information for the Straight But Not Narrow (SBNN) organization on SECRETGUYSTUFF’S BLOG. More about SBNN in a moment, but I did want to take a second to say that SECRETGUYSTUFF’S BLOG is one of the coolest blogs that I have come across in a long time.  It’s a blog about “It’s guys talking about guy stuff. You know, the inside stuff, the stuff we want to know about, the stuff we want to discuss, the experiences we want to share, and the questions we can’t ask our moms. So share it, dare it, enjoy it.” From discussions about lubes to masturbation myths to body hair to the various degrees of sexuality. It is a blog about all of the stuff that I wondered about as a teenager and young adult. I eventually found many of the answers on my own, but I wish this blog had been around back then. I still learn a few things here and there, and this blog is a fun way to learn about the secret guy stuff and it is also a bit nostalgic for those of us who have already experienced these points in our lives.  So before I begin to talk about SBNN, I wanted to introduce you guys to SECRETGUYSTUFF’S BLOG.

Straight But Not Narrow is an organization that was started by asking that very question.  There have been a number of great campaigns and charities that have recently emerged to show support to gay youth and teens. However, SBNN noticed one significant niche missing in the efforts. the message to the young, straight male. Its an unfortunate reality that most of the bullying and harassment that gay teens face comes from them. It is for this reason that we are building a campaign that is primarily directed to the young, straight male by using comedy and their peers to positively influence their views on LGBT teens.

SBNN was founded by Avan Jogia.  Avan, an actor, musician, writer, and big picture thinker. His idea, his passion, his voice started it all.

Back to school should be a fun time for everyone. The sad truth is, this can be a tough time for a LGBTQ students. Straight But Not Narrow are rally their troops to do their part in making sure this back to school is awesome for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation.

They are asking allies to make a pledge.  Here’s the pledge:

“I will do my part to make sure this is a great school year for everyone. It doesn’t matter if you are gay, straight, or somewhere in between. Just be you, because it’s all good with me”. I’m Straight But Not Narrow (the last line is optional if, of course, it doesn’t apply to you).

SBNN has also had a series of YouTube videos to get their point across.  Here is one by Ryan Rottman (who I had to look up too, but he is very cute).

Ryan Rottman (born March 17, 1984) is an American actor. He is best known for his role as Joey Colvin on the TeenNick series Gigantic, which premiered October 8, 2010.  Ryan Rottman started his career in 2008 as an extra in the film The House Bunny. Before that he starred in the plays at Texas Tech University. In 2009, he appeared in films The Stuntman and The Open Road. Rottman’s other television credits are Viva Laughlin, Greek, Victorious and the webisode series Valley Peaks.

One of the most fascinating things that I have found while teaching at the conservative little private school where I teach is that I often hear the girls in the school say that they wished they had a “gay best friend.”  It is generally said in response to a homophobic comment from one of the boys in the class and sometimes it is just random.  They don’t know that I am gay, and it is probably better that way (mostly because of school politics), but the students know that I don’t tolerate derogatory language in my class in any form.  Therefore, it often gives me a warm fuzzy feeling when the girls put the guys in their places when they are being insensitive.  I also find it particularly funny that there are a few of the girls who have said that, who I am almost 100 percent sure that their male best friend is actually gay, they just don’t know it yet.  We have a few students at school who either have not yet admitted it to themselves or are still in the closet because of home and school prejudices.  I try my best to teach all of my students acceptance of those things they do not understand.  People are far too often scared of things they don’t understand and that fear turns into prejudices.  It is a sad state of affairs, but it is something that I am working to change.


Where is Miss Manners?

One of the things about blogs is that they allow comments. I love comments, as it lets me know my readers better. However, blogs occasionally get angry people who leave comments. Sometimes, they leave those comments anonymously, sometimes not. I rarely get negative comments, but I do on occasion. They always make me think about what I have written, and whether or not I could have written it better, but often I have found that people will nitpick about little things and more often than not take a statement completely out of context. It is when these comments twist my words to mean something that they were never my intent that generally makes me a little angry. I know that it should not bother me, but….

Nearly all blogs get negative comments at some point or another. What I do not understand is why people cannot be civil with their comments. Were they never taught manners? Or, do they just not care? And this is not a phenomenon with just blogs, where people can be anonymous through the technology of the internet. I have come to realize that some people just seem to be angry at the world and take that anger out on whoever they can. These angry people should realize that striking out with their anger is not productive. Disagreements and debates are healthy for all of us to see different views, but does someone have to be so vitriolic in their criticisms? Why can’t a simple I disagree and this is why I disagree not be sufficient? Instead, these people often attack and attempt to make their attack personal.  A good example of this comes from a recent blog post “What Is Your Christianity Used to Justify?” on the blog for Believe Out Loud.  I have noticed that many of the more harsh criticisms come from people who comment on my posts about Christianity/Religion and those about my opinions of Queer Theory.  I have my opinions, and this blog is a place for me to write about them.  I always welcome comments, but why are people not able to give their opinions in opposition without turning to attacks?

It’s not just on blogs that these kinds of things happen  People in everyday life are getting ruder. I was raised to be a good Southerner (at least that is what my mother wanted); good manners were taught and reinforced in my early life and have continued to be a part of who I am. Even the simplest things such as opening and holding the door for someone can make the difference in someone’s day. It only takes a few more seconds to do so, but so many people will almost purposefully shut the door in your face instead of holding the door for you. I have seen people speed up their walking just so that they can step in front of you in line. The other day, I was sitting waiting for someone to pull out of a parking space, when someone actually drove around me, blocked my way and took that parking space.

I also see it more and more with students. They have a distinct lack of courtesy when speaking to people in authority. They are often rude and think it is cute and funny. I find nothing cute or funny about being rude. I have one student, whose family is fairly wealthy, and she is one of the meanest people I have ever met. She is the epitome of a “mean girl.” Such people are so inconsiderate of those around them, that they actually think that the world revolves around them alone. With my students, they will one day have a rude awakening. They will find that manners really do matter, and that simple, random acts of kindness can go a long way.

I have often talked on this blog about the Golden Rule: treat others as you want to be treated. For me, this is not a hard concept. The nice guy may not always finish first, but I urge all of us, including myself, to work harder each and every day to think of those around you and with whom you interact. The simplest acts of kindness can make someone’s day. It shouldn’t be that difficult to give someone a smile, to hold open a door for someone, to ask someone how there day is going, etc.

My main question is this: where has chivalry and manners gone? Why is rudeness considered en vogue today? Are we really that self-centered as humans? Where is Miss Manners?